These Phrases shared by My Parent That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The direct statement "You are not in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk among men, who often internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a pause - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."